His for the Taking Page 8

  Not that Cole seemed to mind her clinginess. No, he held her tightly and brushed his fingers through her hair, murmuring that she smelled of flowers and of her.

  “You’re so sweet. You’re everything to me,” he whispered. “Everything…. You always were. I don’t care who your mother was or what my mother thinks. Those things don’t matter.”

  Drowsily she lay in his arms, content, feeling utterly complete and happier than she’d felt in years.

  He pulled her closer. For the first time in ages she wasn’t afraid as she closed her eyes. Though she wasn’t ready to contemplate telling him about Noah, she knew that tonight, if she woke up screaming as she sometimes did, he’d be there. What a wonderful feeling of security it was to know that.

  When they awoke, he made love to her again. Afterward she felt an even greater sense of belonging only to him. The feeling wasn’t based on anything more than the sensual pleasure of sex. But each time he made love to her, she felt happier, if that were possible. She snuggled closer against his warmth because he made her feel safe. Wrapped in his arms, she fell asleep.

  Hours later, when she came awake with a start as she often did after one of her nightmares, Cole’s strong arms no longer held her. As always, she’d been running from some unknown black terror. Just when she was nearly to safety, a strong male hand reached out of the darkness and pulled her down roughly. No matter how hard she fought the faceless figure, she couldn’t free herself. Trapped and helpless underneath him, she opened her eyes.

  Only the monster wasn’t there. He never was. She was all alone in the hot darkness of Cole’s bedroom, drenched with perspiration from her nightmare. Her fingers played across the nightstand searching for her flashlight, but it wasn’t there. Then she remembered she was at Cole’s, not in her own room where she kept a flashlight by the bed. But she did have a small one in her purse, which she’d left on that little table downstairs near the front door.

  “Cole?” she whispered in a panic. “Cole!”

  When he didn’t answer, she moved toward his side of the bed. If only he would wake up and take her in his arms, she wouldn’t feel afraid. But his side of the bed was empty. She pushed free of the cool tangles of sheets and sat up in the dark.

  Shakily, she grabbed his pillow, which was cool although it held his scent, and pressed it against her lips. Because of her nightmare, all the newfound confidence Cole’s lovemaking had instilled in her deserted her.

  Where was he? Why had he left? He’d made her feel so safe and cherished, but was their night together just rebound sex for him after losing Lizzie?

  Desolation swamped her. The distrustful mindset she’d experienced ever since Vernon’s attack slid back into place. Suddenly she was filled with doubts about everything. About her feelings, about having given herself with such abandon to Cole when she barely knew the man he now was or what his true intentions toward her might be.

  Did he believe what his mother had said, that Maddie was as low as ever and after him for his money? Did he regret sleeping with her? Or was she just a sexual outlet? Would she never be free of the stigma of her childhood in his eyes?

  Made more anxious by her nightmare, she felt increasingly disconcerted by his absence as she stared at the flickering shadows on the ceiling. When he didn’t return after a lengthy interval, her doubts built to a terrifying level. She grabbed a sheet and pulled it around herself. Determined to reassure him that he owed her nothing, she stood up and padded out of the room to search for him in his vast, shadowy house.

  * * *

  When Cole switched on the overhead lamp in his office, his gaze zeroed in on the keys dangling from the lock of his bottom drawer.

  “Son of a…” Cole cursed vividly under his breath. He would never have left his keys there. He remembered Maddie’s look of alarm when he’d entered the office earlier in the evening. She’d been pale, and her hands had shaken as she’d read that boring magazine article he hadn’t been able to get through about hay. He’d thought she was upset because of the hateful things his mother had said. Now he wondered.

  Had Maddie played him?

  The vague impression that something was not quite right in his office had niggled worrisomely at the back of his mind even after he’d collected Maddie, but he’d been so focused on trying to make up to her for his mother’s rudeness that he’d dismissed any suspicions he might have had.

  Then they’d slept together, and their hot sex had distracted him further. Had she intended that? When he’d awakened, as he often did in the middle of the night, and had begun to ruminate on the various ongoing challenges in his life, he’d replayed in his mind Juan’s message concerning the driller who’d failed to show after cashing the advance check. Since Cole couldn’t do anything about the driller until morning, he’d decided to come down to his office to see what could be done.

  Now he remembered thinking there had been something furtive in Maddie’s manner after his mother had left. He remembered that she’d insisted on waiting in his office even when he’d tried to talk her out of it.

  More suspicious than ever, Cole knelt and touched the keys. Then he yanked the drawer open wider. He’d intended to read the letters the first chance he had after Maddie had mentioned them. They’d been on his mind when he’d gotten home with Raider, but Juan had called. After that, Joe had wanted to discuss what the vet had to say about a sick bull. Then the roofer who hadn’t shown up to reroof the barn had called with a litany of excuses. Cole had hung up from that call furious. One thing had led to another, and he hadn’t thought of the letters again until he’d been driving back to Miss Jennie’s to pick up Maddie.

  Had Maddie chosen to wait in his office so she could search for her letters?

  What the hell was in those damn letters anyway?

  Curious now, he grabbed the piles of deeds and mortgages he stored in the fireproof lower drawer and tossed them carelessly onto the floor. Then he riffled through the remaining documents until he got to the bottom, where he found the two yellowed envelopes exactly where he’d placed them five years ago. Exactly where Lizzie must have dutifully replaced them.

  Whistling, he sank back into his chair and held them up so he could study the postmarks. Then he grabbed his bronze letter opener and ripped into the first letter. After the first sentence, he sat forward, his heart thudding with a vengeance.

  When I left Yella, I was pregnant.

  Pregnant. He whistled again. He knew the kid was Vernon’s. Why should the word slam him? It was the way she put it somehow, right in the beginning of a letter she’d addressed to him.

  Her mother had a reputation for getting her lovers to pay for stuff. Had Maddie been trying to stick him with Vernon’s kid?

  Not that I realized I was pregnant that final day in Yella. And later, I admit I thought the baby had to be Vernon’s since you were always so careful to protect me.

  Anger ate through him like acid at her admission that she’d slept with Vernon. Which was ridiculous, since her mother had told everybody Maddie had run off with Turner years ago.

  But Noah has your dark hair and green eyes and your widow’s peak…. And he is like you, Cole. He collects arrowheads just like you did as a little boy. He is just so bone-deep good, in all the ways a person, even a little, mischievous person, can be good. He’s so good, Cole, that I know now he’s yours. You’re welcome to do a DNA screening of course.

  Noah? His? Good?

  Through his shock, Cole felt her gladness in that final word. Obviously, she’d seen through Turner even back then. But she’d slept with the nasty creep anyway; she’d thought she was pregnant by him. For more than a year of Noah’s life, she’d believed Vernon to be the father, so she hadn’t told Cole when he’d been free and able to claim his son.

  Cole thought he’d forgiven her for leaving with Turner, but there was a roar in his ears. Tonight, when Cole had made her his again, he’d wanted to erase their past, to erase Turner, to forgive all. But the letter made the past and all i
ts pain feel fresh again, made him hot at the thought of her ever having been with that man, even for one night.

  Unable to forget her sweetness and her total surrender in his bed a few hours earlier, Cole clenched his fist, seething as he fought for control.

  What did his anger matter, if she was right about Noah being his son?

  Cole thought of all her struggles and achievements. No matter what she’d done, if she was right about Noah being his, she was the mother of his son.

  Cole’s big hands shook as he slashed into her second letter.

  I know you received my first letter because you signed for it, and if I don’t hear from you after this one, I’ll know for sure that you want nothing to do with Noah—or me—ever again. I understand why you would feel that way, and I promise, you don’t need to worry that I’ll hound you any further. If I don’t hear from you in two weeks, I will consider you free of all obligations toward our son and me, and I’ll go on with my life.

  Cole sank back in his chair and buried his face in his hands as he remembered how coldly he’d rejected her over the phone, how coldly he’d tossed her letters into his bottom drawer.

  Free? She’d really believed he would knowingly cast his son aside! How could she have ever believed that of him?

  But…he had signed for the letters. And he hadn’t answered her. Was it really fair to blame her for drawing that conclusion when he’d drawn his own hellish conclusions about her?

  How had she raised their son alone? With no money? While struggling to educate herself?

  Worst of all, what had Noah done without because of his father’s blind arrogance? At the very least, Noah had never known he had a father who would have cared about him.

  Cole knew too well how such a revelation could tear up lives. His own father had had a secret son by his first love, Marilyn. That son was his older brother, Adam. Neither Marilyn nor his dad had known she was pregnant when they’d broken up. By the time she’d found out, his father had been in the military overseas. When she’d finally located him, he’d already married Cole’s mother. Although his father hadn’t openly claimed Adam, he’d assumed full responsibility and had secretly supported Marilyn and Adam. He’d even gone to see them as often as he could. It wasn’t until Cole’s dad was gray-faced on his deathbed that he’d confessed everything to Cole and had begged him to go and see Adam in West Texas.

  “I always felt I had to protect your mother from knowing about Marilyn and Adam. You know how she is, so fine and proper…and so unyielding and self-righteous. For her sake, I never told you about your brother. I want you to go to him now. Try…to be a brother to him. And please ask your mother to forgive me.”

  Cole had asked her, all right, but his mother was still very bitter about Adam. Against her wishes, Cole had taken Adam into the family business as his father had wished. They’d even become close, considering they hadn’t grown up together and still didn’t totally trust each other.

  Cole’s hand dug into his scalp as recriminating emotions tore at him.

  Damn it, you thought you were protecting your marriage and Lizzie when you refused to take Maddie’s calls or read her letters.

  No, you were a selfish, arrogant coward…just like your father.

  That’s not true! Dad did the best he could.

  What is your own arrogance compared to Maddie running off with Turner?

  Forget Turner. Forget what she did. You have a son—Noah. He has to come first.

  Eight

  Cole got up and turned off the light. Unable to face returning to the bed where Maddie slept when he didn’t know if her warmth and sweetness were real, he remained in his dark office and shut his eyes.

  What was the truth?

  Were the people in Yella right about her after all?

  Unsavory as the subject was, Cole had to dig the whole story out of her. Why the hell had she run away with Turner? Why did she turn white and look scared every time his name was mentioned? Had her mother lied?

  Not that the answers to any of those questions mattered nearly as much as Noah.

  What the hell was he going to do? How would he ever make up for six lost years?

  Cole must have fallen asleep because he jumped when he heard a soft footfall in the den. When a woman’s slim hand pushed the door ajar, and the narrow beam of a tiny flashlight fell on his dangling keys, he froze.

  Where the hell had she gotten a flashlight?

  Swiftly, Maddie, who was swathed in white from head to toe, entered the office and knelt beside the drawer. She’d been as silent as a ghost until she found the drawer open…and empty. Then she let out a strangled scream.

  He snapped on the lamp beside him with a hard jerk of his wrist. “Looking for these?”

  When he held up her letters, her slanting eyes widened. Then she dropped her flashlight and it rolled under his desk.

  “Give them to me,” she whispered, her exotic face going even whiter as she leaned down to retrieve her flashlight.

  “Sure!” When he laid them on his desk, she snatched them away. “Why not? I already read them,” he said.

  “You had no right.”

  “Really? You claim we have a son together, and I have no right? Tell me something. Did you come over here today just to get these letters? When you failed to find them while my mother was here, did you stay and sleep with me just so you could stay a little longer and sneak back down here and try to get these letters?”

  “You can believe that if you want to. You’ve believed worse of me.”

  His dark eyes were probably as lethally fierce as he felt, because she quickly averted her gaze.

  “I wonder why?” he asked, hating it when she paled further. “I want the truth this time, damn it.”

  “No, you don’t. Nobody in this town has ever wanted that from me. All of you want to despise me. So go ahead! I should be used to it by now.” But her eyes were wild and her voice caught on a raw sob.

  “I want to know if my mother’s right, if you used your beauty to play me for a fool! And I want to know if you used your beauty when we were kids. Did you chase me because you thought I was rich and you’d be bettering yourself? You are, obviously, by your own admission, ambitious.”

  “I never chased you, if you’ll remember! You chased me. And then…when I realized you’d never really wanted me for more than sex, I walked away.”

  “With Vernon?” he snarled.

  She gasped. “I let you go.” She paused. “But yes, I am ambitious. Yes, I want to give my child a better start in life than I had back then. And not only my child…but to give other children a better start. I don’t want any child to have to grow up like I did!”

  Something earnest and heartbroken in her eyes tore at him, but he ignored it.

  “Right—you’re the saint now, and I’m some entitled, arrogant demon from hell who got you pregnant and then callously rejected you and our son after I married another woman!”

  Despite her stricken expression, she notched her chin a fraction of an inch higher.

  “All I know is that tonight…coming here…what we did…was a mistake,” she whispered. “I should never have confided in you at the pool, or slept with you.”

  “Well, you did, damn it!”

  “Can’t we just please forget tonight ever happened?”

  He stared at her pale, forlorn face in disbelief. No! he wanted to yell.

  Forget he had a son? Forget how seeing her again, how having her in his arms again, had made him feel so complete and so connected to her on a soul-deep level that his loneliness of six years had fallen away? Forget that despite everything he knew about her and everything people said about her, she looked defenseless and stricken and so damn innocent he wanted to take care of her? Forget he’d begun to trust her again and she’d disappointed him? Hell, furious as he was, she had him crazy with desire. How could he feel this way about her even now, when he’d just learned they had a son she’d planned to conceal from him forever?

  S
he was as unscrupulous and selfish as her mother, but, on some level, he didn’t care.

  Why the hell did his heart and body refuse to believe what his mind knew about her? Fool that he was, he still wanted her.

  Not that he was about to let on how much power she had over him.

  “Once I would have given anything to hear you say you wanted Noah, anything…. I couldn’t believe it when your only response was my two self-addressed, green postcards that came back with your boldly scrawled signature. After that there was nothing. No phone call. No letter. No email. Nothing. I kept waiting to hear from you. I went through hell. So, no—I don’t care how you feel now because I can’t trust you. Don’t you see? I can’t let myself care. I’m a mother. I have to do what’s best for Noah.”

  “Right,” he growled. “You’re the trustworthy one. You were going to keep your son from ever knowing his real father. How do you think he’d feel about that if he ever found out?”

  Clutching her letters against her breasts, which were covered by a long sheet, she squared her shoulders and backed toward the door. “I’m going to get dressed. I want you to drive me back to Miss Jennie’s.”

  The finality in her tone cut him like a blade. But he refused to react, refused to let her see how her indifference shredded him.

  “Sure. But we talk tomorrow. Don’t you dare even think about leaving Yella before we talk. Because if you do, I’ll make things worse for you. I could come to Austin, meet the do-gooders who pay you, tell them what people here think about you.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “Noah is my son, too.”